the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
