the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
