there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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