I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
