So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
