oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
