fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
