oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
