So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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