I wish you could order shots online.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
