and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
