How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
