I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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