did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
