I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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