You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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