Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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