My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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