Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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