i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
