1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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