I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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