what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
