I wannas sexs uuuuu
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
