So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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