A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
