At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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