My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
