I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
