why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
