i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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