Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
