We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
