I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
