You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
