The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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