Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
