Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
