The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
