If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
