Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
