apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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