How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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