that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
