pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
