I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
