I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
