So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
