i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
