And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
