Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
