how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
