I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
