I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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