Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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