Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
