if you like me you must not know who I am
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
