We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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