some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
