so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
